Such a short, inobtrusive word, but SO important…
I read a post yesterday about a gentleman showing some understanding for the fact that everyone is dealing with something, and that we should attempt to tread a little lighter… be a little kinder.
I have been mulling this over for a while now: the notion that we should wrap everyone in cotton wool and not offend, not be harsh, not make any sudden movements or loud noises…
I have come to the conclusion, that it’s not that.
Dealing with everyone as if they are breakable and may have a hysterical episode is condescending. I am not saying that we should ignore sadness, hardship, guilt and heartbreak. I think what I am getting at is that we should be mindful of these things both in others and ourselves and instead of wrapping everything in cotton wool, we should wrap it in respect. For ourselves and others.
I had a less than pleasant fallout with a friend last week which boiled down to that little lightbulb coming on: there is no respect in this friendship anymore. Not from me or from her. There is no more consideration for the other’s cicumstances, or time or challenges, because we are all caught up in ourselves.
In the workplace if you respect, authority, deadlines and your colleagues there will be an understanding of everyone’s workload, everyone’s requirements, you will be able to see if someone needs help or is on the wrong track. There will be an environment of shared responsibility and picking up the slack together. You will answer that email, because you know someone is waiting for it. You will help out the colleague who is ill or taking care of a personal matter, because there is understanding.
In my relationships, if I respect my friends, there will be interest in their lives, their struggles, their happiness. I will respect their time and opinions and in that there is value. Respect will lead to real conversations.
In my home, if I respect my husband there will be an opportunity for an honest relationship, having the hard conversations, allowing myself to be teachable and also to teach. In turn you are then living an example where your children learn about respect through sharing, or sitting at the dinner table, a prayer before a meal, looking someone in the eye when you greet them, that small task that is their responsibility.
We had a challenging Monday, all sick with a tummy bug and at some stage I heard my favourite line coming from my daughter’s mouth: “Jy is nie die baas nie!” (“You are not the boss”). This was directed at her brother for some or other sin, and I realised that there was still a little work to be done here towards respect.
It is hard, but I should be the first to admit that I often lack the grace of respect for others. I will often feel I know better, I work harder, I have something figured out… Together with this comes my Achilles heel issue of unfairness. Nothing in this world irks me more than unfairness and I often need to remind myself that we are not all the same and that we should not compare…
A good example of this is that during and after COVID the Engineer simply stopped running. I started again slowly after about 14 days after diagnosis and it was not the easiest thing. However, I persevered, because it gets me moving and it is also homework from the person I pay for my chill out medication prescription. You do what you have to do right? After three months of me doing about 18kms a week the Engineer just started again. Running the same average pace not even looking like he is trying. I was NOT respectful of this new development (read: jealous and pissed off). Here I was trying and here he was being a gazelle.
I am still mulling this over, but I think a lot of the “loud noises, sudden movements, you are offending me” problems will be solved in respect for others. The same respect that you would want to receive. A place where we allow ourselves to consider skills and knowledge as assets, to measure things for truth.
In a respectful environment there will be less excuses because there is more understanding. There will be open communication where we can agree to disagree. And yes, there will be an environment where we are all a little less self-involved and even do things because it is the right things to do.
Respect is easy for me when it comes easily. I struggle when I feel that it is undeserved. But maybe in all this mindfulness I can do the check and ask myself, was that really necessary? So yes, I think that maybe for October my goal will be to be respectful of:
- Time
- Commitments
- Lessons
- My talents and those of others
- Limitations and strengths
And yes, I am sure I will circle back soon to let you know what has transpired…