This week has been … weird, for many reasons and no reason at all. Probably because it has been raining for most of it. Work has also been quite hectic (yes, I know, everyone says that), with way too many little bits of things that fill up your day without having anything to show for it.
On Tuesday I had a phone call from a friend whom I have not spoken to in forever. It was… simple. Uncomplicated. And shame, then the poor guy caught me at the most horrible hour of fed-up-ness. First problematic thing was that the Lilliputians were singing along to a movie that they have been watching on repeat for weeks now. Why do they do that? I cannot remember doing it as a child but then again, that was because you would have had to rewind the tape first… that’s maybe it. And the dogs were being dogs, barking at anything that moved from the safety of the dry living room. Protecting the house without getting wet, you see.
So my rant started, and summarised all the chaos together with all the little things that were annoying me, which then turned towards myself. Comments about weight gain and not getting to everything. I depicted exactly how chaotic mornings have been here, because of my less than sunny disposition before 9 am. So he told me to watch my language. I was surprised. Don’t get me wrong, the guard in front of my mouth is a drunk sailor, but… he’s known me since school, I did not think that that was a problem.
He explained the following to me. One should watch what you say about yourself. He referred to “meta language”. Basically, that saying to yourself that you are stupid, will make you stupid. The theory is that our bodies do not have a sense of humour. So, if you speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke your body is not going to know the difference. Words have meaning and a specific energy about them, so in essence, you are casting a spell upon yourself.
Yes, I know, it all sounds a little Lalalandish, but I figured what harm could it do to just be on my own side again. The mindset I have towards myself, is something that I can choose. I can choose what I say and what I think about myself. I can choose what to believe and what to disregard and I can always evaluate and measure things for their truth.
So this is a journey I am starting, to just be a little more graceful, a little more real. I think it can only benefit the rest of my tribe. And sure, all days are not going to be the same, but I can choose not to have a ruined day just because of one argument, or one misunderstanding or one rude person. I can choose to not get stuck on the things that I did not achieve on any given day and rather focus on those that I was able to cross off my list.
And maybe, just maybe… not take myself so seriously…