Growing into an introduction

As with anything that you start, it is beautiful to see something grow. These random notes to you have also gone into different directions, and I finally feel that this blog needs an About page. This of course is something that I will then need to Google and set up, but let me at least write the damn thing first.

Tonotopics became a little castle in the sky when I thought that the things that challenge me may be challenging others. When I was diagnosed with hearing loss, I could not really find a lot of likeminded individuals struggling with the same thing. When I was going through my physical therapy for my vestibular issues I found many very academic articles but no one who actually said: “yes, you are 36 years old and cannot stand on one leg”.

I learnt that my hearing loss was to a large extent responsible for my anxiety, so I thought I would share some of my plans in that regard and soon I realised that this conversation might as well include the things that I love to do, like cooking and drawing, maybe a little bit of poetry.

I believe that this page will probably need to be updated more often than not, but my dream for these little notes of mine is that they fly into the path of whoever needs them. Perhaps become a source of comfort or even a go-to when you need inspiration for the week’s menu.

I have written a little bit about myself here when I started this journey. As I type this the first rain of spring is falling and it feels almost like a new beginning. And I am optimistic about a new season for these notes as well as myself.

Fireside dinner menu # 4

This week the menu includes two curries and also fantastic burger. Links to the recipes are available on the downloadable PDF. I think the happiest item on the menu was the two-ingredient naan bread. You will find excuses to make it again and again.

You will also see that the font looks a little strange. I was awake last night and made my own font in Calligraphr. Not really something you would want to use for an academic article, but fun and easy to do so try it out!

Fireside – Dinner menu # 3

I see with this week’s menu I was quite ambitious! I was also clearly seeking comfort food. From freshly baked bread to apple pie!

I also tried to re-create a favourite restaurant meal with the schnitzel’s that we had on Thursday. I bought ready made schnitzel’s and covered them with a slice of ham, asparagus, mushroom sauce and cheese and baked them in the oven.

On Sunday I only mention the dessert because what more is there to say really..?

You can even come to Morocco with me for two evenings!

This menu is however not to be used if you are trying to fit into those skinny jeans!

Disposition documentation

Mood and emotional tracking, an ongoing process

My experience with psychiatrists is somewhat limited. I saw one for two years on and off in my twenties and started seeing one again after the Lilliputians were born for postnatal depression. I am however a big believer that if you identify that something is up, it is important to deal with it and not ignore it. And you cannot manage what you do not measure.

One of the very first tasks she gave me was to track my emotions on a day to day basis. This was never for her to review but instead for me to become aware of how I am actually doing. As this process developed I realised that it also helped me to identify triggers for specific things. This first task was given almost two and a half years ago and I am still doing it. My plan for this has been quite varied, as I have not yet been able to find a perfect fit.

Initially, I had it as part of my habit tracker where I would fill in daily if I was feeling happy or sad, etc. But I only kept it up till the middle of the month and then abandoned it. So August 2020 gave me some time to review this process and read up about the importance and the purpose of emotional tracking. For some inspiration on mood charts, you can start here.

I had to go back to the drawing board and decide what the purpose was. I identified that I want to see a pattern over time and I wanted things to be clearly defined. I want to be able to link certain emotions with specific events or lack thereof. For example being more agitated on days that I missed my run. With this mission, I came across Dr. Susan David, who wrote a book titled Emotional Agility.

Although I have not read the book myself I have found various resources and little extra’s that enhance this title. The one that I want to chat about today is the notion that we sometimes use very vague terms to describe our emotions. For example, saying that you are happy can mean a lot of different things. It can be that you are grateful, or content, or even relieved. Saying that you are angry can mean that you are frustrated or disgusted or offended. She defined the various descriptive words that can be linked to anger, anxiousness, shyness, happiness, feeling hurt, and feeling sad. You can view the different ones here.

I have translated the various ones for my journal and will use these as a guide to check in with myself on a daily basis. Every day will therefore probably have more than one word, but at least this makes more sense to me than saying I am happy or sad.

Fireside dinner menu #2

This week’s menu has a lot of braai time and a lot of starch, but life is short and mashed potatoes are fantastic. We opted for things that we love because we were feeling sorry for ourselves that we could not run due to lockdown regulations.

With the burgers I tried to link the search on the Jan Braai website, he does a lot of dreamy things with hamburgers. What we made are just ordinary burger patties (we make 6 from 1 kg of meat). We then include bacon, sweet chili sauce and a pineapple ring.

The sweetcorn pie is something that my aunt Ann used to make. It was one of those things that she would just have at hand for Sunday lunch even if she was never asked to bring anything. I have tried a few different recipes, but have not quite perfected it yet. I will let you know as soon as I do, because it makes a lovely side.

The bobotie is my grandmother’s recipe. Even when I follow it to the letter it is almost there but not perfect. Try, try again… I will share that recipe as soon as I got it right.