I am a master of avoidance. Well, first procrastination and then avoidance. I am also brilliant at listing things again and again only to rewrite them on a new list the next day. Coincidentally I am also a huge fan of lists. I can also fool myself into believing that I am not avoiding something by planning for it and putting it on a list, and perhaps awarding it some form of colour coding…
I started this blog because I wanted to create a community and also as a medium to share my story in an environment where people can simply unsubscribe if they are not interested. I did a course on setting up my blog and got hosting and felt like a grownup. I posted three articles and then Tonotpics became an interesting topic on my to-do list. Changing slightly every time I wrote it down. Gems like “create planning board” and “review research topics” even to outright “write blogpost” got passed from day to day in neat handwriting. This procrastination later grew a life of its own, when I created a separate planner for my blog and made beautifully laminated dividers with craft paper, indicating the various categories I want to focus on. I downloaded blog post templates and subscribed to numerous newsletters where I got personalised emails from Dave and Steven and Ralph, wanting to give me the perfect tool to write my blog from home and, apparently, earn a living. Oh and then came the sticky notes! Colourcoded little squares of wisdom that could be stuck on my planner board.
I am writing this at a strange time in the world. We are in lockdown in South Africa due to the COVID-19 pandemic. The period was initially for 21 days but was extended for another two weeks and it honesly seems like the end is nowhere near. In South Africa lockdown entails that everything is closed, except for a few essential services. And also that we mere mortals are not allowed to leave our dwellings except to get essential supplies or go to the doctor. We are not allowed to go running or walk our dogs or walk the Lilliputians.
I work in the medical publishing environment and run a small publishing firm that does scholarly publications of medical journals. Needless to say we are also swimming in the deep end – buy at least we are swimming. Many firms have had to close at this time and their workers cannot work remotely. The Enigineer is also working from home. Which all sounds idyllic… sweatpants and slippers and Labradors everywhere. But the reality is a full-time job, Skype meetings where the one Lilliputian ran in this morning shouting “I have new underpants, Pappa!!!” and house chores that I am not accustomed to because I usually have help twice a week (yes I am spoilt, but I am used to it). There is also Labrador hair everywhere!
My sanity management in the form of running (which is, truth be told, more of a shuffle) outside, has also been taken away and I am now becoming very well acquainted with my back yard, running a little path up and down daily… measuring about 4kms. The Engineer is skipping rope, which is not a talent that was dished out to me.
I, therefore, opened a new document this afternoon because, amidst all my planning, I have lost the purpose. I realised that just starting something would perhaps be… well… a good start. I realised that I had to retrace my steps back to the purpose of this adventure.